October 1st

  • This is the second part of the short story. Read the first part under this post.
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Scylla and Charybdis

You had to go. Of course I didn’t want you to, but it’s not up to me. After everything we went through, and the way you treated me made me realize I didn’t want a person like that in my life anyway. Yeah you are a seemingly nice, well I guess I should use were because as we all know, I ruined your life. But I guess things between us weren’t always bad, we had a good beginning.

 

I met you in eighth grade, the school year was almost completely off the edge of the cliff and you were the new kid in class. Summer was four weeks away and I remember your face as if it were my own. Your eyes were brown and squeezed together to make a weird indescribable shape when you smiled, but you weren’t the slightest bit handsome or even cute for that matter. These days I wonder what I saw in you, but I guess you got cuter in my mind. The teacher introduced you and you sat down in the back of the room. You looked at me and we glared at each other. Your face was familiar, I just didn’t know from where.

 

Days passed and we finally talked. You asked me, “What’s your name?”

 

“Verónica,” I responded.

 

“My sister’s name is Verónica.”

 

“Oh ok cool,” I said awkwardly. Would I have ever thought this conversation would’ve led to an eighth month rocky, twisted relationship, no, but that’s how life is. To this day I don’t know how you got my number, you would never tell me.

 

We talked nonstop. Something about you was alluring in a way I didn’t understand. No guy had ever interested me as much as you. Everything was good and I started to have feelings and I didn’t know what to do with them. Until one day I was ready to talk about them, but I should’ve known it was too good to be true. I saw you walking down the hallway with some girl who played basketball. Then my friends crowded around me before class and they looked at you and her walk down the hallway. “Aren’t they cute,” one girl giggled.

 

“Yeah. I want a relationship like that,” another girl said. I could feel my heart burning in my chest. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true.

 

I composed myself, “Are they dating?”

 

“Yeah,” another girl responded, “Ever since he transferred.” My eyes watered and I left school feeling something I’d never felt before.

 

Later that day we texted and I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes, but he didn’t know how long they were going to last, things had been rocky between them lately. I asked why you’d been so flirtatious with me and you said that your girlfriend hadn’t really been there, she was so busy with basketball. Then you told me that you had feelings for me and you wanted to be with me instead of her. I felt so weird, happy, relieved, but weird. Yeah you could say I felt bad for the girl, but she wasn’t my problem.

 

Summer started and you and the girl had been long done, but you and I became closer and closer. Texting nonstop, staying on the phone over night every night, and falling for each other more and more. You wanted me to be your girlfriend, but I wasn’t ready or allowed to date anyway, not until ninth grade. You said you would wait and you did. After that, everything trickled into place and you were my boyfriend. Except for one problem, we weren’t going to the same high school.

 

When we started dating you were eager for the physical side of the relationship, kissing and touching, so was I. But I wasn’t going to have my first kiss in my parents’ living room. You’d already had yours, with that “girl” and I wanted mine to be special and I guess it was. When I think about our first kiss now it makes my skin crawl, I just want to scream at myself and say, “NO!” but I guess you live and you learn.

 

You had a marathon you wanted to run for school and I wanted an excuse to see you, so I tagged along. I walked with some of your various friends. It was October and it was chilly. I didn’t want to get sick, so I didn’t run, but you had your heart set on running and being one of the first at the finish line. I laughed and talked with your friends who were basically strangers to me until eventually they got tired of walking too and ran, so I was left walking on the sidewalk, alone. I couldn’t even see people anymore. I started to wish I hadn’t came until I looked up and I saw a boy coming around the corner. Running as fast as he could until he was so close that he grabbed me. Out of breath and panting he said some words that sounded like “I love you” or “I couldn’t leave you back here alone.” Something like that, I couldn’t really understand you. While I was trying to figure out what you said you kissed me. Yes, right there, cars were passing by and the world around us was happening, but you kissed me and everything disappeared. Your eyes crinkled again as you smiled in that weird shape. I guess that’s the same smile that betrayed me. Like I said, you had to go. I didn’t want you to, but after what you did, I couldn’t save you from what the world had locked in the gates of hell, waiting and roaring for you to be their next victim. I hate you and I don’t regret it. I don’t regret it at all.

 

“What did he do?” you’re probably asking, “Was it that bad?”

 

Well it must’ve been if he lost everything he cared about right?

 

Expiration Date

  • This is the first part of a several part short story
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Peep the cemetery in the background

Everybody is crazy. If there’s one thing you learn in life it should be that. No matter how perfect people appear to be, everyone’s got something they’re hiding and something they’re not proud of.

 

I know i’m crazy, but there’s always a reason behind my insanity. Most people don’t even have that. Yes, everyone has problems in their life, but the people who hurt you do things you’ll never understand. You have to know you can’t comprehend crazy unless you go a little crazy. When I lose a person in my life who was very close to me, I always wonder why. I ask myself, “Why did they leave? What did I do?” I know I haven’t done anything but — “be the best me I could be”, but that doesn’t make it any easier to digest the pain. I still wanted to know why, but everytime I asked they couldn’t give me a straight forward answer. All the reasons you said that you left would change each time I talked to you, but they would never be bad enough to want to hurt me.

 

Stop asking why! I can’t ask why anymore. I can’t sit and wonder anymore. I can’t be sad about things that are completely insane and don’t make any sense. I didn’t do anything to any of you, but you all still found an excuse to make it ok to hurt me.

 

I got tired of sitting back and letting people hurt me, so I took action. You weren’t the only one to hurt me, but you were the last straw. This is the story of how I killed my boyfriend and got away with it… oops

 

Homecoming

 

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Life is so vast, so mysterious. You could know everything about something until another thing makes you question everything you know. Especially with people, they’re always changing and churning like the ocean crashing into the shore. They trap you into believing you know them until their mask is ripped from their face and their secrets radiate from their core.

In class, we talked about the Holocaust which was the mass exterminations of Jews by the German Nazi regime during the period 1941–1945. We discussed World War II and major themes of the book we read in class called  Night. The deterioration of the Jews’ personalities as the result of being  tortured in the camps was terrifying. The Jews’ eventually started to only care about survival and what they could do to get food and what they wanted. They turned on their parents and friends for things we take for granted everyday. I wondered what I would do if I was put in a situation where everything was taken away from me. Would the things I do define who I was? If I killed my loved one to survive would that be me or just me due to the circumstances?

“You can tell a lot about a person in how they act when they are angry,” was what I was always told, but was it the same when dealing with being stripped of your life? Are we really not ourselves when we’re hungry or is that who we actually are? Are compassion and apathy the only things separating us from our animal relatives? Do we all just think we’re better than animals until we turn into them? I don’t know.

I tried to repair many of my lost relationships recently. Wondering if the things that person had done to tear our relationship apart was actually who they were. Most were genuinely happy to talk and pleasant, a couple were the same; their masks were long gone and never coming back. Was it worth reawakening relationships that hurt me? I always wonder if I had done the same thing to that person would they have ever texted me again?

I’ve talked to one new person too and it’s been the most refreshing experience. Not to know anything about someone and just having mystery is relieving.  I could attempt to repair all my lost relationships or I could start new ones. Leave all those people behind and make new friends. It sounds so good, but it’s easier said than done.

It’s weird how the days go by and life changes so abruptly. A couple of months ago, did you expect your life would look the way it does. I know I didn’t. I feel so lonely lately, but I’d rather be alone than deal with dozens people masquerading people.

 

Flashing Lights

Love is a strong misleading word. The idea of being vulnerable to another person is scary and something to take seriously. I wish I had known who you really were before it was too late, but I can’t regret it now. How was I supposed to know? I can’t blame myself. The only person I can blame is you, but I guess it takes two to tango. I wish you would get out my dreams, that’s the only place you live now that you’re gone; in my mind. You consumed me in every way possible. You know all my secrets and how to hurt me, but who knew you would be the type? The type to abuse my love and twist it in a vine filled with thorns. Six months in and your true colors came to life and I see you for the first time. Betrayal was what you said you weren’t doing. “I didn’t cheat on you or anything,” he said, “I just don’t want a relationship anymore, but it’s not betrayal.”

 

“Then what is it? You’re breaking our commitment to one another,” I said. He couldn’t give me an answer. All the words foamed in his mouth with lies, the lies of reasons why it didn’t work out. Then when he realized he wasn’t making any sense, he blamed me for everything. The sweet boy i’d met was coiling up like a cobra and striking even though unprovoked. “Who are you?” I asked, “Because you’re not the boy who I gave my heart to?” He paused.

 

“Sometimes I think i’m the devil too,” he said. Then his sentences carried on with more lies and angry irrational talk until my pointer finger pressed the little red button to end it all and I saw his face no more. The world shuddered as the thunder rolled. “How Ironic?” I thought as hot tears rolled down my face and my body shuddered. Was it all a dream? Nothing was perfect but wasn’t I worth it? How could he do this on our sixth month anniversary? That night I knew that I wanted to choose to be happy without someone else and all their problems. No one else would ever have my heart and I would never have another boyfriend or get married. The pain of him wrapped around my soul and he broke my heart like glass hitting the floor. I laid in my bed and wondered if being a lesbian was easier. “Probably,” I thought to myself and smiled.