The Palace Has Been Infiltrated



People think things they say just get wiped off the dry erase board forever to be forgotten when they apologize, but what they don’t know is it sits there because they don’t realize they wrote with permanent marker

Don’t you hate it when a guy breaks up with you even though ya’ll weren’t dating. No? Me neither. I don’t care. See but this day was different. Did the boy mean anything to me? Absolutely posututely not, but did the boy who he brought in the situation through his unnecessary repercussion? Yes, this boy meant the world to me and he knew it.


Now I am completely aware of the fact that the boy who I speak of, the completely crazy one is a pathological liar who in fact looks like a scientific experiment on mars that went completely wrong, but I was never aware that he was as pathetic as he is you see. This day was a turning point. Another one to add to the many I’ve had this summer, maybe even the worst.


The day was actually good, but when things are going great you should be careful. I woke up to good morning text from my many admirers and lovers. Who needs one boy anyway? Then one unexpected text came through and it sounded exactly like a break up. I read the text in confusion with a little sadness, but then I remembered I hadn’t dated anyone since my first and last boyfriend. To the “I hope we can still be friends line,” I simply responded with a “When weren’t we friends” text and saw the read receipt then continued on with my life. I went to hangout with my friends in their parent’s garage where they lounged around all day in the “studio”. I posted funny videos of us laughing and joking on snapchat. Until my world was rocked when I saw a minefield of me all over instagram and every other social media I am on. Some anonymous profile had dedicated it’s page solely to the hatred of yours truly. Each post was an expose of something I’d said about someone else in private and it felt like everyone was commenting. “What?” I shrieked as did my friends when they ran to my side to see the horror. Most of the things on the page weren’t even true and most people who saw reported the post, but there was one post that was very true and it was about my old lover who still held a special place in my heart.


The post wrote, “You guys think she’s evil well wait until you see this. Remember that couple? The one who were together forever? Didn’t you ever wonder where they are now and of course what happened? Well according to her he is clinically insane and has recently been diagnosed with a mental disorder that caused the two to split. But wait there’s more! She not only exposed that oh so saddening cause but she also made fun of the illness here’s the message.” The message was something quite awful that I’d written months ago out of sadness and anger, but I could then identify exactly who owned this alleged expose page. The boy I mentioned this morning. It was something I’d told him in confidence needing someone to talk to. Rage rushed through me and I knew there was only a matter of time until my ex would come running to me with questions, but I couldn’t think and hours passed like seconds and I sat in my bedroom as I received the unwanted text from my past lover. The text was full of mean things that bothered me and next thing I knew I was trying to explain myself, but my ex contributed to the madness and put it on every social media outlet possible. I cringed and cried uncontrollably and my mother eventually came to the rescue and diffused the situation with my ex. He called me and we talked through everything and we both gave apologies back and forth and eventually the conversation took a turn down to a road from long ago of laughs and flirting. Until it was really late and we both fell asleep on the phone.


The next morning I thought about my ex and remembered the hatred the boy I spoke of this morning had for him because he had been my boyfriend and the deranged lunatic knew that he himself would never be. He would’ve done anything to keep me and my ex apart or ruin us more and maybe he did succeed in some ways but there’s always one thing that will stay consistent in our very complicated relationship and that will always be our love for one another. It is true that the love I have for him is tarnished irreversibly into a mask of hate and sadness, but under all that is still love. Love doesn’t go away, like energy is never lost and just changes into different forms; the law of conservation of love. Love is the same way, but it is still just that; love. I don’t know if I’ll ever find love again in the way I wish, but I do know that I don’t want love anymore ever because boys are a ball of confusion.


Flashing Lights, The Movie

You guys may remember my very first blog post Flashing Lights. I decided to bring it to life for the indie memphis film festival and I am excited to have been nominated in the festival! Enjoy! Check out on my Youtube and subscribe!